For about a month before my fiancée came to visit me the neighborhood was on fire. Any woman I was seen with between the ages of 20-60, who were not from the hood, were assumed to me my girlfriend. One day my 50 something year old Program Director came to visit. She had lunch at the house. We had a meeting at the organization to which I was paired up. We chit chatted and then she was on her way. Normal stuff. Between the time she pulled off and the time I reached the crib 4 people had asked me, with knowing excitement expecting a “si”, if she was my boo.
As the days narrowed for Brittany’s arrival the mood switched from gossipy to helpful. Everyone had suggestions on what I should do to prepare myself. A neighbor gifted me 3 cans of spinach. She explained that it had been a long time since I had been with Brittany and I needed to be strong like Popeye when she came so she wouldn’t leave me. My mom and aunt here made me lot’s of oatmeal juice and lechoza smoothies to help make me strong. They also suggested that I not do any exercise the week before Brittany’s arrival as not to waste energy.
While many provided me with wonderful advice, the words of one person stood out. A neighborhood family friend, La Chapia (her nickname is flat ass), dropped some serious gems on me. The following list of things to do were prescribed to me in a “therapy session” held in the kitchen over coffee. It is 100% real and may be intense for beginners. Parental discretion is advised. Or, take notes.
- Red man thong
- Flowers to spread over the bed in the hotel
- Strawberries (I was to say “Toma fresa” in a seductive voice while feeding Brittany)
- Tooth paste for oral sex
- Miel de Amor (honey of love) which helps to make sure your lover only wants you
I intended to follow through with the list but life got in the way. I did get strawberries but ate them instead of using them as a tool for seduction. There is always next time.
For any of you out there trying to prepare for a lover you haven't seen in hours, days, months, years, or haven’t yet seen; keep this list in mind and don’t be afraid to try it out!